i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
