I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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