never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
