i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
