I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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