we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
