I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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