I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
