I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
