Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
