I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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