"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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