What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
