Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
