I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I want a musical about memes.
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