i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
