please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize