I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
