6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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