do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
