I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
