I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
