Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
