I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Randomize
