dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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