I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
we made out on top of his cat.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize