thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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