I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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