i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude