can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
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WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
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This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.