Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You smell like stripper and shame
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
hahahahaha turkey breast
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.