Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt