Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
