i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
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With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
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No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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