I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
