when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
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I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
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Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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