Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
