toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
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She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
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mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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