Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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