I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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