I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize