Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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