What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize