I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
