At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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