I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
