dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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