yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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