Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
