Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
