There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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