I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
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Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
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I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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