I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You were trust falling into bushes
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
