Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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