So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
