what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
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You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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