I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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