Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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