My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My penis needs a shock collar
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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