my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize