the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
