Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
