Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
