I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
