oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
