i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
